A Crying Shame

It is a ‘crying-shame’ when we believe the accusations of shame.

“You’re worthless.”

“Can’t you ever get anything right?”

“You failed again – just give up!”

“Nobody could ever love you if they knew who you really were…”

The voice of shame invades in many forms.

It eats-away at our sense of worth and self, distorting reality, and isolates us from the companionship of others.

Shame corners and convinces us that we are not good enough for meaningful relationship.

But relationship is the antidote for the corrosion of shame!

The kind of relationship that welcomes a person – warts and all.

The kind of relationship where another sees you, and sticks-by you through it all.

The kind of relationship that looks beyond the muck and messiness of life, embracing the whole person’s story and evoking the best in another.

When faced with this kind of relationship, shame ultimately stands no chance.

I am convinced that the enduring, loving companionship offered by another is the pre-requisite for overcoming shame.

And yet these kinds of relationships are rare.

More often than not, our relationships with others do not provide the environment that is required for disempowering shame.

Instead we walk away feeling more ashamed, walls-up and just as isolated and alone as before.

But every now and then, we come across the kind of person who embraces us as we are.

They come in many forms – a loyal friend, a trusted teacher, a counsellor who is able to be with you - meeting you as a person to be welcomed, rather than a problem to be solved.

These kinds of relationships are the antidote to shame.